omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
