you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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