her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
