Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
