Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
