you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
