last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
