I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
