no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
