i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
