Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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