did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
