ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
