gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize