I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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