she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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