I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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