It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
