You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
