how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
