Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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