Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
