Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
