What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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