i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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