can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize