At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Randomize
