We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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