the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like eating out sand paper
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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