the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
