I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
