I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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