She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
