Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
