Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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