yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
