so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
