Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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