Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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