im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize