capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
