We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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