there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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