I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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