Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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