His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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