dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
