I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize