i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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