I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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