your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
