Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
