I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
