Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
