My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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