Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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