When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
