tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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