you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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