This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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