I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
zippers are such a cool invention
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize