the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
