He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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