New invention idea: vibrating tampons
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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