She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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