everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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