He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
