i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
