Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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