Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
