I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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