nut hugger
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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