She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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