I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
