have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it penis luge time yet?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
