It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
