oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
