i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize