I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
