I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You need a sexual gate keeper
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
