Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
