no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
