in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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