and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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