I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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