Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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