I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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