Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
