JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
