I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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