I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
