i already hear my dad disowning me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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