so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
