I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
