when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
