"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
