is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
