i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
