im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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